FRIENDS FROZEN AND FRIENDS FOR THE SEASON: CHAPTER 3: I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

She looked pretty, I thought. I stood there in the rain, mesmerised by her beauty as she frowned at her reflection in the mirror. " I can't wear this, my arms and tummy look too big in this dress", she said aloud into her phone. "Why did you even decide to buy it then?" came the voice through this handheld wireless modern device. "I don't know, looked pretty and cute online, and I wanted to gift myself something for my birthday", she said with a heavy sigh. I wish I could tell her she looked beautiful. Instead, I watch her in the silence of the night. The mobile phone is a wonderful invention of man, yet it did nothing to improve her self-worth or make it possible for me to communicate with her. Honestly, it is worse, I thought. I can only watch in pain as she continues to immerse herself in doubt and insecurity and pinpoint everything that is wrong with her.

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It's very hot this evening, too hot for someone like me in Germany. It better rain soon or else it might be too much for me. My gaze landed across the balcony to the room where some one was trying to play a conical brass like instrument. I can't exactly remember what the instrument is called....it makes me think that I am located next to a jazz bar. His eyes are closed in concentration or in enthrallment of the melody that he seems to blow out tunefully from it- I can't tell from this distance. The apartment next door suddenly lights up and struggling piano notes float out into the hot summer night. This one is a novice and struggling. The curtains are drawn but I know who lives in that apartment by now. I try to combine the two harmonies, the struggler and the professional and make up an orchestra in my head. The piano notes stop and the apartment lights go out. Moments later she opens the window and her gaze lands on me. She watches me for a few minutes and continues to listen to the jazz professional who has now started on a difficult piece on his trumpet? trombone? saxophone? Might be one of those, I am not sure. The corner of her lips tremble for a second as she keeps gazing at me lost in deep contemplation. The saxophonist (I will go with one instrument I guess) has now stopped his practice and cleaning his instrument. It's 10 pm so Ruhezeit in Germany so he now draws his curtains, and turns off the light. She on the other hand continues to stare me down with an unreadable expression on her face. What are you thinking? I want to ask her. Finally a gentle breeze picks up and rustles past me carrying my scent along with it. That finally seems to break the trance she was in and she takes a deep breath, allowing the breeze to ruffle her curls. Finally she goes back into her room, drawing the curtains.

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She is now in the garden with someone. Another woman. They are singing some song that sounds foreign to me. Both of them break out into a funny practised choreography and their joyous laughter seemed to envelop me in a hug. They start walking and picking up all the apples that have fallen all around. They clean up the apples and spend the afternoon sitting here gazing at the clouds and munching on them. The juice that drips down their fingers make it look like the apples were pretty fresh and ripe. They look happy, I think. Both of them share a childlike carefree attitude right now. I hope they cherish this moment and make it a memory of a fever-dream like September afternoon.

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The world around me has turned orange. She walks through the door her shoulders tense in frustration. She runs her hand through her hair once. She opens the device frantically that looks like a computer but is smaller and on her lap. Her eyebrows are furrowed now and she is shaking. Anger or from wanting to cry, I can't tell. She just flops herself on bed, puts on a weird looking device in both her ears and then touches her mobile phone willing herself to fall asleep. I watch her toss and turn, massage her temples and then maybe after a few more hours fall into the embrace of sleep. I wish I could tell her it was going to be okay and make her a meal to make her feel happy.

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She rubs her eyes and sits open in her bedroom at 6 in the morning. She sits silently as if she is holding her breath. The lights in her apartment are on as she sits in her bed in a half slumber state but with an expression of a deer caught in headlights. Suddenly, she prances out of the bed, and quietly walks up to the door, peaks out the eye hole, lets out a big sigh something sounding like a moment of finality and calmly goes back to bed. 

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She has her arms around me right now. I mentally hug her back with no real limbs to return the affection. "Thank you for being the constant in my life through the past 5 years". Her cheeks are now wet, her fingers feel chilly around me but the tears carry some warmth. "I have to go now. Hope you get to watch over someone new next year." With that she turns around and leaves, leaving me barren not only from the winter but from her farewell.  I ground my roots, the slight chilly wind shakes the snow off my exposed branches. I will never see her again. A squirrel comes out of the hole in the bark and starts rubbing his face with its paws. My only companion now as we both watch her retreat away into the darkness and all the wind carries in the silence is my vow to be the source of strength and durability to the next person I gaze upon from outside the window.

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